Many people enter into remarriage with rose-colored glasses, believing that the early years will be similar to the honeymoon period they experienced in their first marriage. With so many additional factors at play in a second marriage, this is almost never the case. Here are three commonly believed myths about remarriage, and a more realistic view of what to expect.
This marriage will be different from the first
Unless you have fully looked at and addressed the issues that came up in your first marriage, history is likely to repeat itself. While the divorce rate for first marriages is 50%, the number increases to 67% for second marriages and 73% for third marriages. This is where couple’s therapy can be a huge asset! As a couple, you have the opportunity to do some preventative work in therapy to help lessen the possibility of a split.
Your children and stepchildren will support the marriage
Divorce and remarriage are extremely difficult times in a child’s life, leaving them feeling confused, lost and uncertain about their future. They are not choosing your new partner- you are. Children feel like they don’t have much of a voice in these instances. So it is important for you as an adult to be patient and prepared to help the kids’ work through whatever personal issues the remarriage brings up for them.
After the wedding, you will instantly become a family.
In your first marriage this may have been a true statement. You got married, bought a house, had children, and each transition was smooth. But in a remarriage the formula is a bit different. The children already have a mother and father and a house that they call home, and this life they had has been disrupted. So it will be crucial to the development of your new family to take your children and stepchildren’s wants and needs into consideration in the hope of speeding the transition process for them and for your new family.
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